Crystal Madrilejos

Intentions

Allergies are the bane of my existence today. That’s all about that. New week, new mantra. And this one has already been a doozy. My mantra ties in closely with my commitment to do one thing from my Ideal Day for 40 days. And that is a plan in itself. Wake up early and discuss plans and intentions for the day with my partner and other half in life, Andrew. I emailed Kathleen this morning about how Andrew and I had a couple…. cathartic, is the best word to describe them (tears may have been involved on my part, yikes)… conversations last night and this morning around planning and expectations. Basically, there is a bit of conflict in our approaches to how we get things done. And when your lives are so intertwined, having two different planning styles will require compromise, which in turn can leave the person who is more introverted (in this case, Andrew) feeling encroached upon and the person who is more extroverted (myself) feeling lost and out of the loop. What we discovered and agreed upon after our discussions is that in our planning process, Andrew needs to be more verbally communicative about the steps that he usually internalizes in order to help give me direction, and I need to be more action oriented so our planning discussion feel productive to Andrew rather than just another chore. So how does this all relate to my intentions for today? I intend to try and sort through my discussion with Andrew and lead with my head and not my emotions, similar to how I’ve been trying to approach roadblocks at my job. This might sound counter-intuitive when dealing with a loved one, but I need to work on seeing Andrew’s feedback as constructive rather than critical because in the end, him and I are working towards the same exact goals and dreams, we just interpret the journey in different ways.

This all came about after Andrew read my about my “Ideal Dream Day” (another thing I will discuss more in a later post) and I was somewhat disappointed by his response. Which was that he felt “daunted.” He did say he was hesitant to use that word since it wasn’t a totally accurate word for what he was feeling. It was like that moment in Funny Farm when Chevy Chase asks his wife to read his manuscript and afterward she starts crying because it was that bad. This is also not a completely accurate comparison. Andrew didn’t think my interpretation of an “Ideal Dream Day” was bad. But instead of seeing it as an end-goal, he saw it as the cumulative effort of all the things it would take to get there.

My old COO at my job used to sometimes refer to brand positioning as “sausage making” – people like to eat the sausage, but they don’t like to see how it’s made. (Which this analogy might doesn’t apply to everyone since some people don’t east sausage at all, but you get the idea) This is sort of an apt analogy for me personally when it comes to dreaming. Sometimes, I just want to dream and not let all the reality that lies between me and that vision stop me from just… dreaming.

Reflections

Okay, it’s super late so this might be total ramblings. I fell asleep earlier reading to Quil and then got up around 11:30 and am still awake. Today was hard in general but mainly due to the whole allergies thing. If my head is unclear on a normal day, with allergies I’m basically a zombie. But anyway. I did pretty well with my intentions today. There was good communication between Andrew and I. I was able to be decisive and more action oriented. There was one part of the day, where I felt like I was able to flex my proverbial wings in terms of focusing on steps rather than getting immediately overwhelmed. Andrew had dinner planned, had all the things he needed, but our plans got interrupted because he had to go help my parents move some things because my Dad had hurt his back. So, rather than be derailed by the fact that things didn’t go according to plan, we were able to change course smoothly. I took over and made dinner, something I might normally have felt too overwhelmed to attempt by myself with both kids (another aspect of my psyche that I’ll have to delve into another time). Now this might seem like a super minor, unimportant, non-issue for most people. And it’s not a huge issue for us. It’s not like we would normally fight about this and we averted one this time. Not at all. What it showed was that we can be agile in our approach to how we manage tasks without me feeling overwhelmed – simply by communicating and adjusting my perspective of the situation. Now, ask me how I feel when hormones are raging and the kids are screaming, and it might be a different story. But for today, we were good. Small victories!

Past Posts:
Mantra: Reflections on Week 1
Introduction to Creative/Life Coaching

{Photo taken in 2012 of the path to our side door that we never use, that I insisted that Andrew and I re-lay ourselves when I was 9 months pregnant with Ellis.}

xo,
c.

One of the exercises that I do in my creative coaching sessions is to come up with a mantra that I repeat to myself as much as I can throughout the week. Everyday, I spend some time in the morning building intentions around that mantra and then reflect on it at the end of the day.

My mantra for my first week was: “I Know the Answer is Here.” This was based on the fact that the reason that I embarked on this creative coaching journey was because I knew I had the answers to the problems I was facing, I just needed someone to help me organize and give me tools to help me clear my head and find them.

There isn’t any formula around how I write about my intentions or reflections. At first, I found it somewhat difficult. I definitely had a few moments of, what the hell does an Intention around “I know the answer is here.” really even mean?! But sometimes, you just have to go with it. I just started writing and it came to me. Sometimes they come in the form of concrete actions other times, just a general approach to my day, or sometimes just pure rambling of almost utter nonsense. But it feels good nonetheless, to just get my thoughts out there.

A gem from this past week was my intention for the last day of the mantra “I Know the Answer is Here” and I felt a little surge of excitement coupled with a big helping of humble pie, when I wrote it – and, yes, I’m going to quote myself:

“I intend to be decisive and focused. I intend to not be overwhelmed by how things initially appear and to not feel as I’ve wasted my time or others but to see that everything is a learning process. I intend to view situations and experiences as a way of growing rather than as a reflection of my shortcoming. I intend to do what I haven’t the past few days and address issues that I’ve put off in fear. I intend to continue feeding my sense of lightness when approaching roadblocks and seeing contrary solutions to my own as ways of learning and listening. Sometimes realizing that I don’t have all the answers, is an answer in itself. I do have the answers in the sense that it is within my capacity to find the answer, but I don’t have to be the one that supplies them all them time.”

This particular intention was very centered around work, but I find that there is a lot of overlap in my approach to work and life. Which makes sense because I’m a creative in my day job, and I can’t separate that creative aspect from my personal life. But not only that, a lot of my creative coaching sessions are not only directing me in how I approach my work at my day job, but how that job itself fits into the life I’m building for the future. It’s all connected.

From here on out, I plan on sharing any Intentions and Reflections in this space. I’m sure you probably don’t care about my intentions to clean the bathroom sink, so I’ll try and spare you some of those mundane details!

{Photo I took of Q + E in our garden, taken this summer}

xo,
c.

Photograph  by Hiroshi Sugimoto, Tyrrenian Sea, Amalfi 1990

Lately I’ve been floating. Figuratively, not literally. I felt afloat in a sea of familiar things that I sort of watched go by. They would come and go on the currents and occasionally lap against the hull. I felt like I was waiting around for a breeze to come to move me forward toward my destination. It wasn’t terrible, it wasn’t great. The most I felt was restless. Restless to get going, but also somewhat resigned to my fate. It’s like, well, I’m here and I don’t see a rescue ship in site. Not that I even really felt like I needed rescuing.

Then I realized that I had some oars all along, so I start to paddle.

Ok, so I know this is sort of a cheesy analogy. And probably not entirely accurate. And will most likely get more cheesy as we continue, but I’m just going to go with it.

Earlier this month, as a form of professional development, I started a six-week course of Creative Coaching sessions with Kathleen from Braid Creative. I’m going to consider this my realizing-I-have-oars moment, in the analogy above. I wasn’t as helpless as I thought. There were resources available if I was willing to put the work into it.

So let me just tell you, if making the decision to work with Kathleen were the oars, the Creative Coaching sessions themselves have been the winds in my sails. (I told you it was going to get cheesier.)

Ok, enough with the analogies. For the past two weeks, I’ve been giving a good hard look inwards and it’s been insightful. So much so, that I’ve been wanting to share the ride I’ve been on. I wish I’d had the foresight when I first started my sessions to start sharing the things I was learning and uncovering because now I feel like I want to go back and start from the beginning.

And I plan to (which goes along with my mantra for the week – but more on that later) I’m just not sure what form that will take or how I should even begin to structure it. But I will find a way that makes sense.

Last night, I was attempting some light yoga (because my wrist has been bother me, ugh, side note) and the instructor said something that really resonated with me. She said something along the lines of “There are still so many things you can do, even if there are some things you can’t.” It sounds sort of like a ridiculous statement to make. Like, duh, of course. And even though she was talking about yoga poses, in that moment, it struck something. I have a tendency to focus on the things that I can’t do, things that just aren’t possible within the current situation I find myself in – be it financial, physical, mental, whatever – rather than focusing on the things that I can do now. It’s a really slight change of perspective, like looking through one eye, then the other. Just a subtle shift in movement that can completely change what you see.

I find it somewhat refreshing to be taking stock of the things that I have going on in my brain. Becoming a parent forces you to look less at yourself and more outward because your focus is on these little lives that you are now responsible for, and also fascinated and captivated by. I realize that creative/life coaching isn’t for everyone. I’m sure there are people who don’t see the point, that anything you could possible uncover, you could have uncovered on your own. Which may be true. But I’m not too proud to admit when I need help. I’m not above seeing value in other people’s experience and advice. Personally, I believe there is great value in just finding someone you’re on the same wavelength with.

So, I hope to start sharing my journey through my Creative Coaching session, and maybe they’ll motivate and inspire you to take a look inward and maybe shift perspectives once in awhile too.
——
Kathleen Shannon is co-owner of Oklahoma City based Braid Creative. She is a storyteller, designer, adventurer, and creative coach that helps other creatives find their voice.

xo,
c.

If any of you are on Instagram, I’m sure you’ve come across at least one person posting yoga pictures. If you aren’t into yoga, you might find these annoying just like when someone posts too many photos of their kids. Another thing I may or may not be guilty of!

For the month of October I’ll be partaking in the YogaFlightFest challenge on Instagram, so if you’re looking for some motivation and want to join me click here for details.

There are a million yoga challenges on Instagram every month and a few months ago a co-worker decided to do one and I figured, why not? I’ve followed a few yogis on Instagram, most of them I found through following BexLife, and had already been inspired to practice more, why not join in a challenge while I was at it? I had already been doing some yoga on my own at home through my subscription to yogaglo.com, so I wasn’t jumping in blindly. I’ve practiced yoga off and on for a few years, but never anything consistent and unfortunately haven’t gone to many classes due to my schedule. But I found that doing a yoga challenge helped me be more consistent in my practice, even if I wasn’t able to do all the poses yet.

The photo above and the ones below are photos from the first challenge I did called YoGratitude back in August

Let me make one thing clear, I’m no yoga expert. I wouldn’t even consider myself intermediate. I enjoy doing yoga and I know my limitations. I know there are some yogis out there of the mind that yoga challenges on social media are not safe or healthy because it does not necessarily encourage regular practice. You see all these super advanced yogis doing amazing feats of strength and flexibility and if you try these things without knowing what you are doing, without being properly warmed up and without knowing how to listen to your body, you could end up injured.

I definitely see that as a valid standpoint, and I completely agree with the notion that people shouldn’t jump into a yoga challenge as an ego boost. However, I do think that yoga challenges can be a source of motivation and inspiration. I don’t like the notion that I’ve seen people bring up, that people who do yoga challenges are somehow doing a disservice to the practice itself as if yoga is only to be practiced by people who are “serious.” To me, if someone is inspired to get up and move and is motivated to do it because of an Instagram challenge, then more power to them. I also don’t think there is ever any harm in spreading the goodness of yoga to the masses and possibly changing anyone’s preconceived notions of what yoga might or might not be.

With that said, I will post occasional updates here on my progress throughout the challenge. And also, if any of those photos I posted seem deceiving, well they are. Because this is really what doing yoga around our house looks like:

xo,
c.

[Image via Flickr]

After my long breastfeeding post, I thought it would be a good idea to start a tip section on nursing. I realized afterwards that there were so many other tidbits that I had forgot to mention. Breastfeeding is a learn-as-you-go type of journey, with different things popping up at different milestones. It’s hard to remember everything, especially after you’ve settled into it and it becomes second nature.

This tip actually came to me after seeing a post by BirthRoots on Facebook about nursing and the importance of a foremilk and hindmilk balance.

So, just a brief description: Foremilk is the thinner milk with a lower fat content that comes out first during a nursing session (usually blueish/clearer in appearance). Hindmilk is the high-fat, creamier milk that follow and comes usually during the end of a nursing session (usually white/cream colored and opaque) If you pump, you will be able to see this distinction very easily. In my mind (which might not be completely accurate) but I see it as Foremilk being like a beverage – used for hydration- while the Hindmilk is the food that is used for nourishment and weight gain. Below is a photo for comparison:

[Image via Wikipedia]

With both my kids I had issues with a fore/hind milk balance when they were very young because they had a tendency to fall asleep at the breast before fully draining it. This resulted in gassy babies that didn’t gain as quickly as they could have in those early weeks. But with that said, it’s something easily remedied if you can read the signs.

For me, a good indicator on whether my babies weren’t getting enough hind milk was their diapers! If their poop was greenish rather than the normal seedy/yellow, I could tell they weren’t getting enough hind milk. Another indicator was if they were gassy, or fussy, or seemed unsatisfied shortly after nursing. If these things seemed to occur in tandem, I would be sure to not switch breasts during feedings and to continue nursing longer on each side.

The first time I saw the green poop, I called my sister Maria and was like – ack! what’s going on? She was the one who mentioned the foremilk/hindmilk thing, which I had never heard about! And, sure enough, after nursing longer on each side it went away.

Anyone else have issues with foremilk/hindmilk imbalance with their babies?

xo,
c.

Ever since Ellis arrived, it’s been non-stop craziness. Not in a bad way. Just really, really busy. Andrew and I always wonder what we did with all our free time before we had kids. We were productive, for sure. But, I can’t even fathom that much free time anymore. My perception of free time has forever been altered. If I can offer any advice to any person who doesn’t have kids yet (and plans on having them in the future), it would be: Don’t waste time. We did a lot before we had kids. We traveled, we played music, we built things, we renovated a house. Many of these things we still do now, but with much less frequency and a lot less spontaneity, and I STILL feel like we didn’t take advantage of our kid-free days!

I’m exhausted right now, so I’m going to try to keep this brief. Nike Training Camp kicked my butt tonight and my legs are like jello (as is my brain, so bear with me!)

[Instagram photo I took of things that inspire me]

With the zombie apocalypse forever on the horizon, my sister, Maria, and I have already decided on our rendezvous point if such a thing should ever occur. Obviously, we say this all in good fun. But it actually got me thinking about things… 

At night, laying in bed, I’ve been thinking: What if some sort of catastrophic event were to happen near us? What would we grab before we made our mad dash to our “rendezvous point? I’ve thought about this multiple nights in a row, always considering things like, “maybe we should grab all our shoes, because those things will wear out quick when you’re constantly on the move.” or “I should probably grab my supply of frozen breast milk just in case something were to happen to me, Andrew would be able to feed Ellis.” Finally, one night I turned to Andrew and asked him what he thought. And his answer was simply: “the kids.” Which then got me thinking more…

So with this new year upon us, and everyone high on the prospects of new beginnings and resolutions for the year to come, I’ve decided to jump on this ol’ bandwagon and make a couple of my own.

My first “resolution” is based on Andrew’s simple, honest, and sensible answer to my nonsensical question. This is the year that I really start taking a hard look at the things that matter and only accumulate/consume/surround myself with things that are useful and inspirational. I hesitate to use the term “minimal” because it doesn’t really fit me, rather I’m going to lean towards the term “meaningful.” I’m tired of thinking about things and stuff and where it goes. Or where it will go in the future. I give up on meaningless stuff!

Which leads me to my next resolution: To be more present and, ultimately, more patient. With myself, with Andrew, with the kids, with the pace of our lives, and with all those things I see on the horizon but can’t quite make out clearly. I don’t know how many times I’ve said to Andrew in the past, “I feel like we’re always waiting. When do we get to start our lives?” – to which Andrew always replies, “We already have!” And he’s right. So this year, I resolve to stop waiting.

Oh and to blog more :)

Image via Flickr

I’m three days shy of being 36 weeks pregnant. Meaning four more weeks until my due date, which in turn means I have the luxury and right to complain (lovingly) about this last stretch. Being pregnant is, seriously, an amazing thing. Right now, as I type, I have a little naked person floating around in my body. I mean, that’s some crazy, other-wordly, type stuff we’re talking about here. But still, there are just some emotions, thoughts and situations that exist regardless of how awesome it is to be growing another human being. Just a couple things to note about my current state:

1. I basically, sorta, kinda (definitely) wore what constituted as pajamas to work one day this week. I just couldn’t handle regular clothes – if you can call maternity clothes “regular clothes”. And it felt great. I mentioned a couple weeks ago that I wore an unfortunate combo of maternity clothes that when paired together looked like pajamas. But this time, I literally wore something that I would wear as pajamas.

2. As if dribbling food or drink on yourself doesn’t make you look slovenly enough. Imagine dribbling food or drink on a huge pregnant belly. It makes me look like a total slug. And this happens daily. I might as well walk around with Cheetos dust on my fingers too.

3. I feel extremely motivated to get things done, but am frustratingly hindered by my physical state. I am not one of those women who will be running a marathon at this point. Granted, even if I weren’t pregnant I wouldn’t be attempting such feats. However, not being able to just tend the garden (a whole other post) without help from Andrew is really really maddening.

4. I am  constantly amazed at the resilience of the human body. The fact that my skin hasn’t, literally, split open and spilled out some guts is pretty remarkable.

5. The past couple weeks seem to have taken as long as the previous 30 or so weeks combined. Why, oh why is time slowing down right now when I am most uncomfortable and unsightly?

6. My body hurts. The arches of my feet feel like they are falling. My legs ache. My belly is sore. Sometimes, I just have to lift up my stomach and carry it because my torso just needs a break. I’ve thought about this a lot in the past, the sheer amount of weight a pregnant woman carries around daily. I didn’t even gain that much this time around. I’m about average at 25-30lbs of weight gain. But have you ever thought about how much that actually is? That’s like carrying around 5-6 bags of flour or roughly 3-4 gallons of milk. I gained, like, 50lbs with Q. Have you ever carried 50lbs around? That’s craaay. I’m surprised my knees didn’t buckle with every step.

7. I’m exhausted. Just straight exhausted. Out-of-breath-melting-into-a-puddle-of-slobishness exhausted.

Sometimes, I think pregnancy and its trials are just a big lesson in swallowing your pride and realizing that you are just going to end up in a room full of strangers looking at your private bits.

But in the end, it’s all worth it.

-c.

This pregnancy has flown by. Only 6.5 weeks to go and I’m feeling the restlessness that comes with the last home stretch.

It’s a bit late in the pregnancy to be in the nesting phase, but having a 2-year-old, a new job, and a lingering illness to contend with has pushed us into month 8 with much still left to do. There is a reason they say you should get as much done as possible in the 2nd trimester because, dang, is it hard to do much with this huge belly.

When I was pregnant with Q, we had all the time in the world to just… do stuff. I was crafting up a storm. Andrew was building and baking awesome things. It’s taken me the entire pregnancy to knit one stinkin’ baby blanket (pictured above – back when I first started the darn thing months ago!) and the jury’s still out on whether it will be done by the time baby girl comes. I started a baby sweater, but I’ve given up any hope that particular project will get done.

Luckily, Andrew is super awesome and has been able to take the reins on many of the things on our to-do list. I just make lists at this point. Make lists and grow a baby. That’s my to-do list.

But still, however long our to-do list is, it feels good to have our little family getting it all done together. Hoping to have more photos of our progress in the near future!

-c.