Crystal Madrilejos

Photo taken from my rooftop in 2005*

I got up super early on Thursday to go to a 6am hot yoga class. It felt really great. It’s been something I’ve been wanting to do for a really long time and I finally just did it. I can’t even begin to describe how wonderful waking up early has been for me. I haven’t been more productive in ways that I thought I would be with extra time on my hands. But I feel better about myself, for sure. It feels good to be able to journal daily and to just sit and think and plan and not feel bad that I’m taking time away from the other important things in my life. I think I had a lot of guilt before and it was one of the things holding me back from feeling fulfilled. Guilt about not being present with the kids and Andrew, guilt for expecting Andrew to carry more of the load than he already does, guilt for constantly dreaming about doing rather than just doing. I feel like I’ve gained back something in my life without sacrificing other parts of it. Yes, I am a little bit tired. And yes, I get greedy and am genuinely discouraged when this little amount of time I have is infringed upon – be it my unwillingness to get out of bed or by a kid who gets up earlier than usual. What’s the old saying – if I don’t have time, make time? (more…)

I’m halfway through my 40 day commitment to waking up early. A little background on the 40 day commitment: as part of my creative coaching sessions, I had to create a “Dream Day” and from that day, I had to choose one thing that I could implement now in my life and commit to for 40 days. For me, this was waking up early. Aiming high, I know.  (more…)

On Wednesday and Thursday, I got up super early (5:30!) to go to the Rec Center to get my cardio on. I really wish that there were more things in my life that required me to get my heart rate up naturally. And by naturally, I mean that the sole purpose of the activity isn’t to “work out” – this is why I need a farm that requires me to toss huge bales of hay or something. Basically, I want to be a young, Amish man where I raise barns all day. How many Amish guys do you think need to “go for a run” to get exercise? Not many, would be my guess. Or maybe I need to take dance classes or yoga classes because at least I’d be learning a skill at the same time. I’m looking into 6am yoga or barre classes in the area because when I get motivated, I turn into a glutton for punishment. Kidding! I actually enjoy being active. Though I’m not a fan of running, no matter how hard I try to like it.

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I hope everyone had a great holiday break! For me, it was a nice to just hang out with the family (immediate and extended), crochet, eat, fall asleep in front of the fireplace, and not think about anything else. I’m still easing back into reality with emails and other things to catch up on, but my mind is still in break mode. I thought this would be a good chance to talk about the things I’m thankful for, since that’s what one is supposed to do during this month of November.  (more…)

Intentions
Watched Brene Brown’s TED talk on vulnerability and it helped me come up with my intention for today. I intend to not try and control and predict all the outcomes of every situation but rather enjoy them in the moment and be okay with uncertainty and imperfection and not let insecurities get in the way of meaningful connections and productivity.

Reflections
This weekend was for my little family. We didn’t do anything significantly different than what we normally do, though I didn’t feel as overcome with anxiety for not getting done everything on my to-do list as I normally do. It was enough to just do what I could and feel accomplishment and worthiness in those few things. I wrote blog posts. I woke up early. I was present with my family as much as I could be. Even as I felt agitation and the beginnings of my nerves starting to buzz from uncontrollable forces (*cough* hormones) I was able to calm them most of the time. There were a few moments where I started to feel some darkness creeping in my stomach and I started to question everything in a negative way. A few fleeting moments of doubt. But on a brighter note, I felt connected with Andrew. When I stopped trying to force him into my plans and analyze him, rather than just work together and allow myself to be vulnerable in front of him, I found that I felt much more optimistic about things.

This morning Quil and Ellis wanted to paint and draw so I sat with them for a little while when Andrew went to go feed the alpacas next door. It was nice to just sit and make some marks on paper with no purpose other than just to explore. Yesterday, we made a test batch of pumpkin cookies for Thanksgiving. Andrew has made these in the past, but this time we used homemade pumpkin puree from the ones we grew, harvested and froze back in September. They turned out great! Lighter in color and texture than ones we’ve had in the past with canned puree.

Past Posts
Week 3 Mantra: Be Vulnerable – Day 2
Week 2 Mantra: I Have a Plan – Day 3  
Week 2 Mantra: I Have a Plan – Day 2
Week 2 Mantra: I Have a Plan – Day 1
Mantra: Reflections on Week 1
Introduction to Creative/Life Coaching

xo,
c.

Since I’m sure my lack of mantra posts have been keeping you all up at night (Ha!) I figured I’d mention that even though I journal around my mantra daily, I decided to only post on the weekends because I don’t take as many photos to go along with them during the week and Intentions/Reflections sans photos might be a bit heavy.


Intentions
I intend to keep my mind and heart open today and not try to have all the answers but rather be thoughtful before responding and not be too quick to offer up my thoughts and opinions but rather to just listen. I feel even right now at this moment some agitation, irritation and annoyance at having to do this. It’s hard for me to dissect those feelings, but I will keep note of it and see how it goes today.

Reflections
After hitting publish on a blog post I had been working on for sometime,I had to go back and take it down and re-write it. I had to make a major shift in my content because I realized I had confused two different things I had read recently that made for some interesting thoughts but inaccurate info. After this realization, I wasn’t feeling too secure in what I was coming up with. And this is where this week’s Mantra comes in – I asked Andrew to read what I wrote and give suggestions. Not that I don’t value Andrew’s opinion. It’s actually the opposite. He is at the top of a very short list of people who I give two shits what they think of me. So I can take it hard when he doesn’t have glowing reviews of something I’ve done or am doing. I know, I’m working on it! But throughout the day, we worked together on the post, bit by bit. I would write between family activities. And if he had a free minute he would read what I wrote. There were definitely moments when I felt completely discouraged, but took some deep breaths and stayed open to hearing what he had to say and you know what? It all worked out with minimal emotional strain on my part. This all sounds like a really in depth analysis of some pretty basic life functions, which I realize. It’s just a snapshot of one small aspect of today while life went on. But I’m finding it’s the small shifts we make along the way that can lead to bigger changes in the future.

Past Posts
Week 2 Mantra: I Have a Plan – Day 3  
Week 2 Mantra: I Have a Plan – Day 2
Week 2 Mantra: I Have a Plan – Day 1
Mantra: Reflections on Week 1
Introduction to Creative/Life Coaching

c.

*Update*
I wrote an slightly different post this morning but in my early morning haze, I realized that I was mixing up my sources and facts. So here is the revised (and corrected) version!

Breast milk is an amazing thing and something we may not ever fully understand because its mysteries are infinite. The properties of its makeup can be dissected and broken apart, but there is an uncountable number of connections and interactions between the properties themselves and things that we cannot see that it would be almost impossible to fully unravel. It’s a whole food that has evolved specifically for the purpose of nourishing a baby.

Just like if you took an apple and broke it apart into only the seemingly beneficial ingredients, it would never have the same nutritional impact as the whole apple itself because there are so many connections that we can’t see.

A great example that I came across that shows that we are still learning about all the benefits of breast milk was in a small section of another article I just read by Michael Pollan. He writes about how for years researchers have tried to unravel the mystery of breast milk. In their breakdown of the makeup of breastmilk, they found it contained a complex carbohydrate that babies were in fact unable to digest. Without any apparent benefit to the baby, these complex carbohydrates weren’t taken into account until recently.

Upon further research, it turns out that there is actually a very good reason for the existence of this particular property and the baby’s inability to digest it. It is a very important aspect of a baby’s development. This component was undigested by the baby so it could be a source of food for a certain type of bacteria that helps to keep the baby healthy and to promote the development of the intestinal lining.

When it comes to Nature – there are reasons for everything!

xo,
c.

P.S. And, as always, this post is coming from a point of love and support for those Mamas who are thinking about nursing, are currently breastfeeding, or have in the past and want to encourage others to give it a shot. In no way am I trying to discourage or make anyone feel bad about the decision they made/make. Either way, I SUPPORT YOU.

I mentioned in one of my previous posts about how I had to create an “Ideal Dream Day” for my creative coaching session, which is basically what I’m referring to whenever I talk about mine and Andrew’s goals.

Our goal is to build a self-sufficient, sustainable, Permaculture-based homestead for our family. I’m putting this out there, which isn’t something that Andrew and I usually do. We’re both of the sort where we don’t like to voice desires/wishes/plans until we feel like there is proof of being able to follow through with it. We’re usually not ones to make superficial claims – the whole “say what we mean, and mean what we say” thing. Though this is really more descriptive of Andrew and less so of myself. I’ve been known to get dramatic and use the words “never,” “ever,” and “always” when things get heated. But, I try to be aware of it. Anyways, side-note!

For a long time, Andrew and I have wanted to build a home for ourselves. We just couldn’t ever see us living long-term in something that was not our own. Something that we didn’t get to consider every aspect of. For the amount of money it costs to own a home, we couldn’t resign ourselves to having to make compromises. Of course, we’re realistic. We will have to make compromises even if we build our own home, but they will be compromises of our own design. What Andrew and I want is nothing elaborate. We want something that is sensible and smart.

After all these years of dreaming, we’re about at the point where being able to take action is visible on the horizon. We’re still a long ways off, but it seems like a real possibility. So, in the meantime, we’re doing what we can to research and learn about what it will take to build our homestead. Getting smart, as I said in a previous post.

I’m looking forward to sharing what we learn here! Any advice or tips from those of you who are out there building your own or have built your own homestead are welcome.

Coming up, I’ll talk more about the “Ideal Dream Day” that I came up with for my coaching session. It’s, dreamy to say the least!

Above is an image our backyard at the place we currently live. Pretty dreamy to wake up to everyday. That’s our house directly to the right of the barn, slightly obscured by the tree. (Not the house on the far right.)

xo,
c.

Intentions

I intend to accept and work with the fact that a lot of the planning that Andrew and I need to do towards our goal at the moment is research. There are items on our list that are currently not within our control or not plausible for the moment. But what we can do (something that Andrew and I used to always say) is we can get smart. We have to learn everything there is to know about what we want to achieve so that when the time comes, we can hit the ground running. I have a few items that I have on my to-do list that have to get done work-wise, but today I intend to spend at least some time just learning. Also, one if the things that I realized in last week’s intentions/reflections was that I have this tendency to view things that I really want to do as things that are “special treats” and can only devote time to them after I’ve taken care of my “responsibilities.” I love to read and I love to research things that I find valuable and interesting, things that inspire me to move towards my goals. So these things usually fall at the end of my priority list because there are always other things that “need” to be done. But in the grand scheme of things, the work that Andrew and I put towards our ultimate goals in life, are more important than most tasks that seem to take up the majority of our time. So, with that in mind, I intend to try and change my perspective in regards to things that I view as priorities and things that I view as “nice-to-haves.” Because i’m sure most of the time, I confuse the two.

Reflections

I did spend a lot of time today reading and researching. Not a ton, but more than I have in the recent past. I’ve always been an avid reader, and this is the first year of my life that I didn’t read a bunch of books. I think I managed one, maybe two? I’m currently reading “A Pattern Language” by Christopher Alexander and his colleagues, which I’m finding to be really engaging. And also, “An Introduction to Permaculture” by Bill Mollison, who is considered the father of Permaculture. So in that regards in did have some success in sticking to my intentions today. Something I realized today is that I have a really hard time pulling myself away from work. Especially when I have a problem that needs resolving. I can’t just walk away and come back to it. I work until I feel utterly frustrated or until something else comes up that forces my attention away. Even though there is a rational side of me that knows that taking a break would be good, I just can’t seem to stop. And it was extra frustrating today because I knew that I wanted to spend some time reading and the only thing standing in my way was this one problem that I couldn’t just let be for the time being. Something I need to work on.

Past Posts
Week 2 Mantra: I Have a Plan – Day 2
Week 2 Mantra: I Have a Plan – Day 1
Mantra: Reflections on Week 1
Introduction to Creative/Life Coaching

xo,
c.

Intentions

Above: Showing Q how to jack up a pizza oven. Moving it to the barn for the winter.

Above: E being a huge help.

Above: Lunchtime. I never thought I’d see the day. Two kids, feeding themselves.

Above: Harira over brown rice. Recipe here.

Reflections