Crystal Madrilejos

Quil started showing some interest in using a camera a little while back. (Sorry for the blurry iPhone photo above. He’s a photographer on the move!) Most of his baby photos were taken with this very camera he is using in that photo, but unfortunately, we don’t break it out that often now that I have an iPhone. But we’ve been bringing it out more so that he can explore with it. Neither Andrew and I are photographers, so we don’t have a ton of knowledge to pass on in that area, but right now he’s still really young and couldn’t grasp the concepts of shutter speed and aperture (I still struggle with this too). If he’s still interested in the future, it would be a fun thing to learn together. Right now, he’s just content to take photos of things that he sees.  (more…)

I hope everyone had a great holiday break! For me, it was a nice to just hang out with the family (immediate and extended), crochet, eat, fall asleep in front of the fireplace, and not think about anything else. I’m still easing back into reality with emails and other things to catch up on, but my mind is still in break mode. I thought this would be a good chance to talk about the things I’m thankful for, since that’s what one is supposed to do during this month of November.  (more…)

The Creative Coaching sessions I’ve been doing have not only been helping me improve my approach to how I work, create and live, but they’ve also been helping me work towards big goals. One of the first homework assignments Kathleen had me do was to describe in detail my ideal dream day. She encouraged me to put in as many details as possible, down to what I was wearing and eating. I was pretty descriptive and was able to knock out two solid sheets, single spaced no less. I’ve obviously thought about this a lot.

I won’t go into every single detail, but since I was also required to make a Pinterest Board around what the day felt like, you can see some of what would look like by viewing my Dream Day board here.

The three major things that my dream day included were: A custom built house on a permaculture homestead, homeschooling our kids and somehow combining these two aspects into a sustainable business model.

So yeah, really big lofty goals! Like, huge life-changing, uncharted-territory-for-me-and-my-family type goals. Even though attaining all these would be a dream, they are in the distant future and I’m actually appreciative that I am not in a position to make these things happen right now. The nature of these goals requires a lot of learning and discovery, and for the time being I’m in a great position to do just that. There are a lot of things between me and my goals that are outside of my control that I have to just work with at the moment, but there’s a part of me that thinks the Universe is giving me this time to not only prepare, but figure out if this is the right fit for me and my family.

I’m fortunate that I currently have a great job that not only supports my family but keeps me grounded. It’s helping me grow as a designer and creative decision maker and I’m always learning new skills that will help me down whatever path my future takes me, homestead or not. It also lets me put into use the problem-solving tools I acquire and allows me to implement new approaches as I continue to find the best and most effective way for me to create.

It’s all a process and I’m learning new things everyday. Like I said earlier in the post, I won’t share my entire dream day, but here is an excerpt of what I wrote and found especially dreamy, it’s a cross between a Portlandia parody and Kinfolk Magazine, which will, in reality, probably end up looking more like Doomsday Preppers but whatever:

“We all wake up early on the homestead because there are chickens that need tending and veggies for harvesting, compost that needs turning, gardens that need watering. We all have our jobs to do. The kids start their school day early because the way we live is a huge part of their education. They learn by doing, by understanding the connection our lives have to our surroundings, to our environment, to the way we choose to live consciously.”

I’m sure there is something to be said for the fact that I didn’t portray my dream day as one where I sit on the beach all day. I’m just too practical, I guess. What does your dream day look like? Does it look like work, but work that you love doing? Does it look like a vacation? Does it look like Rivendell or The Shire (man, that’s a tough one!)?

xo,
c.

Intentions
Watched Brene Brown’s TED talk on vulnerability and it helped me come up with my intention for today. I intend to not try and control and predict all the outcomes of every situation but rather enjoy them in the moment and be okay with uncertainty and imperfection and not let insecurities get in the way of meaningful connections and productivity.

Reflections
This weekend was for my little family. We didn’t do anything significantly different than what we normally do, though I didn’t feel as overcome with anxiety for not getting done everything on my to-do list as I normally do. It was enough to just do what I could and feel accomplishment and worthiness in those few things. I wrote blog posts. I woke up early. I was present with my family as much as I could be. Even as I felt agitation and the beginnings of my nerves starting to buzz from uncontrollable forces (*cough* hormones) I was able to calm them most of the time. There were a few moments where I started to feel some darkness creeping in my stomach and I started to question everything in a negative way. A few fleeting moments of doubt. But on a brighter note, I felt connected with Andrew. When I stopped trying to force him into my plans and analyze him, rather than just work together and allow myself to be vulnerable in front of him, I found that I felt much more optimistic about things.

This morning Quil and Ellis wanted to paint and draw so I sat with them for a little while when Andrew went to go feed the alpacas next door. It was nice to just sit and make some marks on paper with no purpose other than just to explore. Yesterday, we made a test batch of pumpkin cookies for Thanksgiving. Andrew has made these in the past, but this time we used homemade pumpkin puree from the ones we grew, harvested and froze back in September. They turned out great! Lighter in color and texture than ones we’ve had in the past with canned puree.

Past Posts
Week 3 Mantra: Be Vulnerable – Day 2
Week 2 Mantra: I Have a Plan – Day 3  
Week 2 Mantra: I Have a Plan – Day 2
Week 2 Mantra: I Have a Plan – Day 1
Mantra: Reflections on Week 1
Introduction to Creative/Life Coaching

xo,
c.

Since I’m sure my lack of mantra posts have been keeping you all up at night (Ha!) I figured I’d mention that even though I journal around my mantra daily, I decided to only post on the weekends because I don’t take as many photos to go along with them during the week and Intentions/Reflections sans photos might be a bit heavy.


Intentions
I intend to keep my mind and heart open today and not try to have all the answers but rather be thoughtful before responding and not be too quick to offer up my thoughts and opinions but rather to just listen. I feel even right now at this moment some agitation, irritation and annoyance at having to do this. It’s hard for me to dissect those feelings, but I will keep note of it and see how it goes today.

Reflections
After hitting publish on a blog post I had been working on for sometime,I had to go back and take it down and re-write it. I had to make a major shift in my content because I realized I had confused two different things I had read recently that made for some interesting thoughts but inaccurate info. After this realization, I wasn’t feeling too secure in what I was coming up with. And this is where this week’s Mantra comes in – I asked Andrew to read what I wrote and give suggestions. Not that I don’t value Andrew’s opinion. It’s actually the opposite. He is at the top of a very short list of people who I give two shits what they think of me. So I can take it hard when he doesn’t have glowing reviews of something I’ve done or am doing. I know, I’m working on it! But throughout the day, we worked together on the post, bit by bit. I would write between family activities. And if he had a free minute he would read what I wrote. There were definitely moments when I felt completely discouraged, but took some deep breaths and stayed open to hearing what he had to say and you know what? It all worked out with minimal emotional strain on my part. This all sounds like a really in depth analysis of some pretty basic life functions, which I realize. It’s just a snapshot of one small aspect of today while life went on. But I’m finding it’s the small shifts we make along the way that can lead to bigger changes in the future.

Past Posts
Week 2 Mantra: I Have a Plan – Day 3  
Week 2 Mantra: I Have a Plan – Day 2
Week 2 Mantra: I Have a Plan – Day 1
Mantra: Reflections on Week 1
Introduction to Creative/Life Coaching

c.

*Update*
I wrote an slightly different post this morning but in my early morning haze, I realized that I was mixing up my sources and facts. So here is the revised (and corrected) version!

Breast milk is an amazing thing and something we may not ever fully understand because its mysteries are infinite. The properties of its makeup can be dissected and broken apart, but there is an uncountable number of connections and interactions between the properties themselves and things that we cannot see that it would be almost impossible to fully unravel. It’s a whole food that has evolved specifically for the purpose of nourishing a baby.

Just like if you took an apple and broke it apart into only the seemingly beneficial ingredients, it would never have the same nutritional impact as the whole apple itself because there are so many connections that we can’t see.

A great example that I came across that shows that we are still learning about all the benefits of breast milk was in a small section of another article I just read by Michael Pollan. He writes about how for years researchers have tried to unravel the mystery of breast milk. In their breakdown of the makeup of breastmilk, they found it contained a complex carbohydrate that babies were in fact unable to digest. Without any apparent benefit to the baby, these complex carbohydrates weren’t taken into account until recently.

Upon further research, it turns out that there is actually a very good reason for the existence of this particular property and the baby’s inability to digest it. It is a very important aspect of a baby’s development. This component was undigested by the baby so it could be a source of food for a certain type of bacteria that helps to keep the baby healthy and to promote the development of the intestinal lining.

When it comes to Nature – there are reasons for everything!

xo,
c.

P.S. And, as always, this post is coming from a point of love and support for those Mamas who are thinking about nursing, are currently breastfeeding, or have in the past and want to encourage others to give it a shot. In no way am I trying to discourage or make anyone feel bad about the decision they made/make. Either way, I SUPPORT YOU.

I mentioned in one of my previous posts about how I had to create an “Ideal Dream Day” for my creative coaching session, which is basically what I’m referring to whenever I talk about mine and Andrew’s goals.

Our goal is to build a self-sufficient, sustainable, Permaculture-based homestead for our family. I’m putting this out there, which isn’t something that Andrew and I usually do. We’re both of the sort where we don’t like to voice desires/wishes/plans until we feel like there is proof of being able to follow through with it. We’re usually not ones to make superficial claims – the whole “say what we mean, and mean what we say” thing. Though this is really more descriptive of Andrew and less so of myself. I’ve been known to get dramatic and use the words “never,” “ever,” and “always” when things get heated. But, I try to be aware of it. Anyways, side-note!

For a long time, Andrew and I have wanted to build a home for ourselves. We just couldn’t ever see us living long-term in something that was not our own. Something that we didn’t get to consider every aspect of. For the amount of money it costs to own a home, we couldn’t resign ourselves to having to make compromises. Of course, we’re realistic. We will have to make compromises even if we build our own home, but they will be compromises of our own design. What Andrew and I want is nothing elaborate. We want something that is sensible and smart.

After all these years of dreaming, we’re about at the point where being able to take action is visible on the horizon. We’re still a long ways off, but it seems like a real possibility. So, in the meantime, we’re doing what we can to research and learn about what it will take to build our homestead. Getting smart, as I said in a previous post.

I’m looking forward to sharing what we learn here! Any advice or tips from those of you who are out there building your own or have built your own homestead are welcome.

Coming up, I’ll talk more about the “Ideal Dream Day” that I came up with for my coaching session. It’s, dreamy to say the least!

Above is an image our backyard at the place we currently live. Pretty dreamy to wake up to everyday. That’s our house directly to the right of the barn, slightly obscured by the tree. (Not the house on the far right.)

xo,
c.

Intentions

Above: Showing Q how to jack up a pizza oven. Moving it to the barn for the winter.

Above: E being a huge help.

Above: Lunchtime. I never thought I’d see the day. Two kids, feeding themselves.

Above: Harira over brown rice. Recipe here.

Reflections 

We’ve all been hit with a bit of the sniffles this week in our house. Which has resulted in missed work, kids with runny noses, babies that are thrown off their sleep schedules, a Mama who can’t sleep because her nose is so stuffed up (I even tried those breath strips thingies. Didn’t work.) lots of crying and whining and a return of a feeling I had when our little ones were newborns: dread for the nighttime with its unpredictable events. A baby crying, someone waking up thirsty, someone is hot, or cold, or a 3-year-old is in our bed who is like liquid, filling up every space you vacate as you happen to turn onto your side, resulting in not being able to flip back.

But at the same time, have you ever in your life been this comfortable? The kids have taken to making “nests” in the middle of the living room floor.

Days like these remind me of this poem that I saw on a Cup of Jo awhile back:

“Normal day, let me be aware of the treasure you are. Let me learn from you, love you, bless you before you depart. Let me not pass you by in quest of some rare and perfect tomorrow. Let me hold you while I may, for it may not always be so. One day I shall dig my nails into the earth, or bury my face in the pillow, or stretch myself taut, or raise my hands to the sky and want, more than all the world, your return.” ― poem by Mary Jean Irion

xo,
c.

[Photo: Mother and Daughter, Yushu to Serba Road, Tibet, by Raul Gutierrez via Beautiful Breastfeeding]

In honor of last week being World Breastfeeding Week, I thought it would be fun to do a post about my adventures in nursing.

So, breastfeeding, yeah. It’s can be daunting topic to discuss. Mainly because I know that among some parents, it can be a hot button issue these days. I don’t want to come off as preachy or holier-than-thou. And I definitely don’t want it to seem like I’m judging anyone who hasn’t or doesn’t breastfeed. I also don’t want to brush it off as something that is trivial or unimportant. Because it is important and I want this to be a happy post to celebrate this wonderful thing that a mother’s body is capable of doing.

 [Photo by Käsebier Gertrude (1852-1934) via Historic Photos & Prints of Breastfeeding]

I’m here to tell you my personal experience and how the people in my life have helped me. And that’s what it comes down to – I hope that my experience can, in turn, help another Mama out there make the decision to breastfeed her babies or help her power through what can be a very difficult time.

I have a number of friends and family members who are pregnant, or have had babies recently. Some who have nursed, some who haven’t, some who are currently trying and other who tried their best. I think the one thing that most of us can agree on is: breastfeeding is not easy. (Though I do know a few who had no problems whatsoever, the lucky ducks!)

And though I had a rough time getting started, I have to admit, I am lucky. I have three older sisters who, combined, have nursed and pumped milk in some capacity for seven kids before I even had my first. Some nursed better and longer than others, some hardly at all. But for each of their babies, my sisters gave a fair shot at nursing. I also am lucky that when I was six years old, I was able to witness my own Mom nurse my brother. Also, during my first pregnancy, one of my co-workers was also pregnant and we delivered a month apart. When we both were back at work, it was great having someone else who was sharing a similar experience and was also dedicated to nursing. (Thanks, Andrea!) So, basically, I had great role models and support, women who had forged the path before me and along side of me, who understood how I felt in those early days when nursing was the hardest.

There are also a lot of interesting things about nursing that I had no idea about until my sisters and friends enlightened me and which I got to experience first hand. Things like:

• Your nipples can crack and bleed and it can be painful (yikes!)
• Milk creation can burn hundreds of calories a day (like 500+!)
• Nursing helps keep your baby from getting sick
• You can get infections in your milk ducts (ouch!)
• Milk supply is dependent on demand (nurse more, produce more. nurse less, produce less.)
• Nursing makes the uterus contract in the early weeks post-pregnancy, which in turn allows the body to heal faster and get back to normal quicker
• Hormones in breast milk can cause baby acne (which goes away once the post-pregnancy hormones die down)
• It may take a few days for your milk to come in (and even longer if you’ve had a c-section, like I did for both my babies)
• Once your milk comes in, your boobs get rock hard (engorged) and can squirt milk like a crazy milk fountain
• Milk comes out of many ducts in the nipple like a spray, not just one (this totally surprised me the first time I saw my sister pump)
• You can feel your milk filling in your breast (my best description of what “letdown” feels like)
• If your baby cries (or any baby, for that matter) it makes your milk come out. Sometimes just looking at a photo of your baby will do this.
• Nursing delays your ovulation after giving birth. I didn’t get my period back until Quil was four months old, and not until Ellis was 11 months old. Note: This is not a reliable form of birth control!

I can honestly say I love nursing my babies. It hasn’t been without its hardships though. With our first, I had a way harder time than with our second. Being a first-time mom, a bad first latch coupled with a c-section and a low milk supply made for a very stressful first couple months. I almost gave up. I cried many times. It seemed to take weeks (even months) before I felt like I could nurse with ease. The bad first latch caused blisters and cracks in my nipples that made it super, super painful to nurse and the low-supply just made it super frustrating. I’m pretty sure I had either a baby or a pump attached to me for the first two months.

But once my supply was up and I was healed, it was so wonderful! I stopped pumping around two months and nursed exclusively until I went back to work at three months. And that month was the best. No pumps, no bottles, no washing and sterilizing pump parts!

 [Image: Madonna and Child, Orazio Gentileschi, c. 1609]

Fortunately, it only took about a week of nursing before I was pain-free with Ellis, our second baby (again, due to a bad first latch).

I think the thing that made me really stick it out through everything was the fact that we didn’t give ourselves any other options. For Andrew and I, formula just wasn’t in our plan. Which was stressful, but at the same time, it just forced me to do it regardless of the circumstance (like nipples that hurt so bad from being cracked, it was unlike any pain I’d felt before.) We just knew that if we made it an option, in those hard times, we were going to do what was easiest and not necessarily what we thought was best.

It also helps that Andrew holds me accountable and expects a lot from me as the mother of his kids. He feel breastfeeding is best for our babies, so wanting to respect his wishes as a parent gave me even more incentive to not give up. For the sake of full disclosure: we have had extremely fortunate situations for both our kids. Andrew was home with me for my entire maternity leave. I realize that in our country, this is extremely rare. It would have been infinitely more difficult had I been trying to do it alone, which I know is the case for a lot of breastfeeding Mamas.

[Photo by Dorothea Lange]

Weaning

For both kiddos, I went back to work full-time after 12 weeks on leave. I pumped at work for both (and am still pumping for Ellis) but when at home I nurse – so mornings, nights and weekends. Ellis will be one year in a few weeks and doesn’t seem to be weaning. Quil started weaning around this time. He just lost interest. Our approach to weaning is pretty similar to how we approach most things, we just go with it and see what happens. Ellis eats a ton of food but hasn’t gotten any milk other than breast milk yet. We’ll start introducing other dairy products in the next couple months, then see where things lead. I’m in no rush to stop nursing, but damn, am I ready to be done pumping!

Nursing in Public

I know this is also another hard aspect of breastfeeding, which is unfortunate because it shouldn’t be. I completely blame it on our society’s notion that bodies should be private and hidden from view, not always for the benefit of the person “exposing” themselves, but to not offend the viewing party. I think the thing that helped me overcome this was nursing in front of people I know and love and who I know respect me and my choices. I think everyone in my family and Andrew’s family (and many friends) have seen me nurse, and I think that’s helped me to feel more comfortable in public. As much as I am a supporter of being able to nurse in public freely – I still cover up most of the time because there is a part of me that doesn’t want to make others feel uncomfortable no matter how comfortable I may be. Though, if I don’t have a cover-up for some reason, I don’t hesitate to just do what I gotta do!

Nursing Gear

You really don’t need anything but boobs to do the job, but these things did help make my journey a bit smoother:

Nursing pads

Spit up cloths

Breast Pump

Nursing Bras

[Photo Credit: Southworth & Hawes/Courtesey Buhl Collection]